Things aren’t the way I planned! (For you Lori my friend)

It’s my Spring Break. Since I work for the school system, I look forward to a Spring Break even though I don’t work in the schools. For months, I have been anticipating Spring Break, and in my mind, I envisioned sunshine, my chaise lounge, long walks in the park – well you get my wonderful sunny thoughts. Today is my 2nd day of Spring Break. I have begun each of these days with my world covered in white.
As I drove my son to school this morning, I began to ponder the world around me. Trees, grass, fences, buildings, etc. were covered with white. A white fog limited my vision. The fog reached from the road to the white clouds above. Literally everything was white. It was actually breathtaking. Still, not what I had planned, quite opposite of the green grass, sleeveless shirts and flip flops that I envisioned during my long awaited time off.

Lori (Jackson) McDowell

What if our life turned out quite opposite of what we envisioned it to be. What if during our years, we dreamt of the days where finances were just a bit easier to come by after raising our children, we had more free time on the weekends for which to take our grandkids to the parks and swing, spend time sitting across from a friend in Starbucks or sharing a glass a wine on a porch swing. What if…. What if we woke up one day to a disease that all too rapidly took our body captive while leaving our mind intact, what if we woke up one day and we couldn’t walk, couldn’t talk, couldn’t reach out for our grandkids, and couldn’t share an icecream cone. What if.

Lori is living the “what if” every moment of every day. Her mind is sharp and determined. Her heart is soft and compassionate. She breathes by night and portions of her day by a ventilator and when that ventilator has issues, she is at the mercy of chance and her Lord. She tells me "time is closing in" before she will be fully dependent on the ventilator in order to continue to live.  Lori has ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease)

Getting to know her again is like that blue sky of sunshine. She is able to chat with me on Facebook using her eye movement for her fingers. She makes me count my blessings, she makes me happy, she teaches me what it means to have faith, and she cares so deeply for others. She gives but not very good at receiving.

Let's get her out in her lilacs again!

A couple of days ago, the Lord woke me up early Saturday morning and told me to go pray with and for Lori on Facebook. Like an alarm clock, I tossed and turned trying to shut the “noise” off but still He nudged me. I got up, started the coffee, opened my laptop and feeling a little sheepish, I logged onto Facebook. So what if this wasn't really God talking - no one will ever know. There was Lori’s face. She was on Facebook. She was the only one on Facebook that early in the morning. I began to pray following the Lord’s instruction, not knowing if she was actually hearing me but I continued. I didn’t know why nor did she respond back to me. By the time I closed my laptop, her online status had gone from active to sleep mode. I waited and worried for my friend for hours periodically checking Facebook to see if she was online. Finally! She responded back to me. I asked her if there was anything that went on in the early morning hours. She explained to me that her ventilator had moved and was shooting water into her lungs. I can’t imagine what a feeling that would be. She can’t yell. She can shed tears but she can’t wipe them away. She can’t move her ventilator. She is encased in a body that didn’t turn out to be the way she dreamt it would be, to a life that is not what she planned for it to be. But yet, her spirit and love has proven to be exceptional and the Lord has allowed for our friendship to cross the miles over Facebook.

She needs to be able to hire an aide to come spend time with her. Tending to her needs, talking with her, spending time with her, nursing her body and performing assistance for which Lori no longer can do for herself.

I asked Lori for permission to reach out to my Facebook friends to ask for monetary help so that she can stay in her home. She needs us. The Lord needs us to rally for her. If you feel Him nudging you to help, either by praying or by sending in a donation, please don’t hesitate to help. It is a moment by moment struggle for Lori and I believe we can help our friend.

Donations can be sent to:

Lori McDowell

P.O. Box 5675

Grand Island, NE 68802

Please don't wait.  Lori needs us now!   

 Luke 11:5-13 Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need. “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Lori, I love you!  You have been such a gift to me as we get to know one another once again.
Others, if you are not Lori's Facebook friend, I encourage you to become one.  And... if you need someone to pray for you, I know just the prayer warrior waiting! You see, Lori spends a lot of time talking to God and I know she wouldn't mind me passing onto you all that if you need prayer for you or someone else, just ask her. 

When My Own Termination Hearing Is Scheduled

Almost daily, it is brought to my attention that an employee engages in some sort of inappropriate behavior or does not live up to the expectations of their job. My next step is to determine the consequences. After reading through Board Policies, sifting through Union Handbooks, navigating through Governmental Law, a recommendation is made. This is the easier component to Human Resources.

Delivering the news to someone that their employment has been terminated is much tougher to do. Quite honestly, it sometimes keeps me up at night. For the most part, these employees are people I have not met prior. So, you would think it wouldn’t be that hard to end their employment, to drastically change their life..

When you are contemplating the best corrective action for an employee , and you are hoping upon hope that you rule they can stay employed but find it is very clear after review of their personnel file that they cannot, you feel terrible. After all, you are messing with people’s lives. Because it sometimes can be so complicated, the employee can grieve the decision again and again. You see, when you are messing with people’s “live”-li-hoods”, one person might interpret the law differently than the next.

The employees are called in for a face to face meeting. Because they typically have some sort of history in their personnel files, even the toughest come in with eyes locked on yours, trying to guess what the outcome of the meeting will be prior to anyone opening their mouth or taking documents from file folders.

What if our lives were like that when we come before God and look into His eyes to try and read what the verdict will be. What if our personnel files contained some “very bad stuff” or perhaps just some “slightly bad stuff”. Let’s see, I memorized the Ten Commandments as a young child; in fact I had a charm bracelet with each charm engraved with one commandment. Going through them quickly, … hmm… let’s see, I have not always loved my neighbor as myself and quite a few times haven’t even loved myself very much. I haven’t stolen much in my life but there was that bubble gum I took from Lumpkin’s Grocery Store when I lived so conveniently across the street. I guess that would be considered stealing in the eyes of God. Do not lie….although I can say that I am typically an honest person, I couldn’t even count how many times I have lied in my life. Why, just look at the weight my driver’s license. Seriously, does that actually count? Black or white, little or big, I guess a lie is a lie. What will the Judge say? Do not covet …. Does that mean longing for that co-worker’s new Coach purse?

One thing I do know is that my termination hearing has already been scheduled. I just haven’t received my call as to when. The other thing I know is that my “personal” file is quite big. I’ve been coached a few times and have been put on an improvement plan more than once. Now I’m getting worried, or should I be?

I can breathe deep and be at peace. It is not based on my past history, but only one thing. You see, Jesus came and put my entire personal file up on the cross with Him. Even though I believe I’m an emphatic, loving person, I wouldn’t take the hit for someone who broke the rules while performing their job. There is one thing however, and because I already made sure I did that, I can know with absolute surety how “my termination hearing” will go. Arms wide open for me which closes with a warm, welcoming embrace. It makes my numbered days on earth much easier to enjoy.
Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV)
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.

You see, when I look into my loving God’s eyes, He will know that I have accepted this free gift which makes my “personal” file null and void. Wow!

If it is so hard for me to terminate someone I don’t even know, much less love, how hard this must be for our Creator, the One who made us. That’s probably why after all those years of people struggling to perfectly obey the Ten Commandments, He sent His Son… for me… and for you..because He loves us. He made it so easy; why wouldn’t we accept this gift?

Life In Warp Speed!

Impulsive behavior, trying to fit too much into one day and moving way too fast “could” be a cause for some of my rather questionable actions.

Thinking back to last week… a sudden urge to dye my eyebrows comes over me. To assure I received the best return on my investment, I chose “dark brown” over “light brown”. Like black on white, so were my dark brows with my blonde hair. A new impulse comes over me. After running out to buy a box of brown dye, I begin to dip my plastic covered fingers in the dye and quickly tousled my white hair with brown hair dye with intentions of putting some nice, blended brown into my hair (and all over my new bathroom) to match my new brows. I ended up with a highlighted horror. I paid my master hairdresser to fix me up the next day. Gosh, if only I would have consulted the master first instead of depending on myself.

I still chuckle thinking back to last week; I created a presentation about “Being a Leader” to speak to a group of 130 Facility Managers. The night before, I saved my PowerPoint on a flash drive found in a junk box. Because time was of the essence, I didn’t preview what else might have been on the flash drive. As the employees were filtering into the auditorium, I inserted the flash drive into the computer connected to the projector. Up on the screen (from my flash drive) displayed an article about Curing Constipation. The computer was in one of those frozen moments. No matter how many times I frantically tried to escape or close, the health article about constipation was displayed in all its glory.

My daughter, Jen, tries to stuff too many tasks in her day much like me. The other day while alone, she stopped her vehicle and left it running while she jumped out to do something real quick --- but she left the Lexus in drive. Probably felt to her like the triathlon she competed in this past weekend as she chased down her vehicle, jumped in it and brought it to a safe stop. Later that same day, after picking up her children from her sitter’s home, she backed into the fencepost and knocked both the post and the fence down. Navigating hurriedly through life gets us into unexpected predicaments.

Two days ago, Jen stopped into our “old” house where my husband and I were working. She suggested we tear out the entire kitchen….starting with the fake 1970’s brick and ending with the cabinets and counter. And Jen being Jen, she said “Let’s begin! I’ll help!” Working side by side with my daughter, we had a “Blonde” moment! (The hairdresser didn’t fix everything!). Jen said to me, “Where is my tool? I’ve lost my tool! I just had it!” My attention turned to her, looking around and I noticed my tool was gone as well! I exclaimed, “Now, mine is lost, too!!” We both began to look around and then the light turned on. There on the wall was my tool….. And to the left was her’s…. just where we left them before something must have distracted us.

I often ask myself, “How do I manage to navigate and make it safely through my days?” I do know that the Lord doesn’t play a minor role in guiding me out of the messes I make from acting too quickly. Let’s see…. I have quit my job, placed homes up for sale and made many other last minute, life-changing decisions that would have been so much easier going to The Master first.

If only I would take the time to consult Him first.

For God is not a God of confusion, but of peace. 1 Corinthians 14:33

Seasons of Senses

Sorting through memories unleashes all of the senses. Memories that have been packed away in boxes and plastic containers; some for a season and some for years of seasons.


When one moves, it forces you to open, sort through and re-pack memories. “Mom”, says one teenage son, “Look at this!” running towards me with a Valentine’s card obviously made from small hands telling his mama that he loves her. Another box opened, “My baby blanket!” I move the silk through my fingers thinking about the comfort this blanket gave me as a little child and trying to capture for just a moment the feeling of security and protection this blanket represented so many years ago.

The stacks of various greeting cards from those who love(d) me. An un-cashed check from my mother inside of a birthday card, addressed to Patricia Jane with the request that I buy myself something special. Ah, the music box! Winding it up, I hear “Wind Beneath My Wings” and I smile.

I saw, I touched and I heard the precious memories of seasons past. And then, I breathed in the familiar, sweet smell. I carefully picked up the jackets that I had given my mother and recently brought home from her closet, brought them to my face and breathed in the scent still remaining. The familiar scent brought tears to my eyes as I closed them, envisioning Mama with all of my senses committed to memory. And then I hung them in my closet and shut the door. Over the course of this week, I have taken them back out, bringing them up close to once again breathe in her sweet memory and somehow become close to her once again.

I am saddened as I know the scent will fade away with the seasons.

Seasons continue on…. Fall is here. The trees are becoming glorious in their spectacular color. Then they will fall to the ground and become the earth. The seasons will continue until the trees become alive with new birth, new life once again. The promise of Spring! The promise of Life! The old becomes new again.


"Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

Ms. HR

Hmm... How does he do that? How can he possibly remember everyone’s name? Oh how I wish I could be more like him!


People are asking me wherever I go in my work community, “Patti, how are you doing in your new job?” “Gosh,” I might answer them, “I’m not sure!” Perhaps I should ask my co-workers how I’m doing to get somewhat of a gauge --- but not today.

You friends who are reading this page probably know me better than those in my new work environment. Even if you have never met me but have read just a few of my blogs, you know me better than my new co-workers. You, for instance, could be expecting the unexpected to come out of my mouth. Those I work with are still scratching their heads. Take today, for example, we were conducting panel interviews for a Pest Control Technician position. I know more today than I ever knew about bugs! Did you know there are American, German and Oriental Cock Roaches? And, the American Cockroach is the one you would most likely find residing in downtown Denver. (Yes, I’m off track) And the pest that is making the headlines currently is the Bed Bug! (I wonder if anyone noticed I was scratching the imaginary bugs crawling up and down my legs while I was taking notes). Whether or not they noticed me scratching, I noticed the questionable looks coming my way at other things I was or was not doing.

It’s always good to make a solid professional impression as “Human Resources” with one’s new co-workers as well as those candidates competing for a position in your organization. By the way, my name is no longer “Patti”. My name has become “HR” as in “She’s HR” or “This is HR” or “HR is here”. As the interviews progressed through applicant after applicant, one thing became consistent. I COULDN’T REMEMBER ANYONE’S NAME! Even with their resume before me, as I introduced them to the panel members and began to explain what to expect during the interview, I would invariably call them “Tom” when it should have been “Sam” , or ”Mario” when it should have been “Marvin”. I was trying so hard to live up to my new name, “Ms. HR” and get things right! As the candidates graciously corrected me, I would look around the room at my peers to gauge their expressions. And I saw….. I saw… well, nothing. No smile, no understanding, nothing….. Only their eyes widening with each new name blunder. They were experiencing “Pulling a Patti” and they didn’t even realize what this experience meant! As the morning progressed, I couldn’t read into what they were thinking of me as their faces remained sober. As we were ending up with our final candidate, thanking him for his time, standing up to shake his hand and calling him the wrong name, I was proud of the good “HR” person that I have become. I treated all candidates fairly – no one was called by their right name. Whew! One after the other, I embarrassed myself – but fairly and consistently, without prejudice!
 
God tells us in Isaiah 43:1 “I know your name; you are mine!

He is the ultimate Human Resource!

Joy Came to Me This Morning

This morning as I was taking the back roads into Boulder, Colorado, with the gorgeous clear blue skies spread out over me, and the majestic mountains before me, my Lord scattered a few hot air balloons here and there to accent the skies and to get my attention. You see, I know they were for me. Tears of joy came and a peace filled my being knowing that He was still in control. There is absolutely nothing in this world or of this world that escapes His hands or His doing. My prayers had been answered; there was joy in the morning.


Probably about ten years ago, I took my young boys for an overnight mini vacation to Colorado Springs. Using the internet to book the hotel room with one of my first- ever credit cards, I found an inexpensive room that boasted a magnificent view. Upon arriving and much to my disappointment, I found the motel to be a bit undesirable even by my standards. The sidewalk outside our room was full of broken glass and our promised magnificent view was a shabby looking trailer park.

Do you ever get your expectations and dreams of what you expect to come so built up that you are completely crushed and disappointed when they are not realized or come to be as you had imagined? . Such was the case of this mini vacation. The boys pouted too much on the drive there, the motel’s pool was disgusting with water looking like a dirty fish tank and I didn’t get my magnificent view I was promised.

After packing up our belongings early Sunday morning to go back home, probably still pouting at my disappointments, I opened the door and was blown away at the glorious sight before me. Hot air balloons, hundreds and hundreds of hot air balloons taking off, slowly drifting by as they climbed higher and higher into the sky. A hot air balloon festival was that very day with the balloons taking off in the field within walking distance from our room. Calling for the boys to quickly come to the door and hearing their shouts of exclamation at the view filling the sky, my heart smiled and I thanked God for bringing me this joy in the morning. My promised magnificent view at last!

This week has been stressful. As the days, then the hours, then the minutes came closer to closing on our house yesterday and still no word from the bank, it was hard to keep my eyes looking up. I felt like my mind’s breaking point was near; I gave it to the Lord expecting Him to bring a last second phone call saying “The closing will proceed as scheduled!” The call didn’t come, and our tomorrow’s plan of moving was no more. Going to bed early to escape thinking and worrying, I wanted to put my troubles to sleep. Disappointment prevailed my being and my heart was heavy.

That was last night. Today as I write this, the tears are still trying to escape. Tears of joy that came in the morning as I think about how my God gave me the hot air balloons once again. Perhaps you could compare it to a shared smile between a father and his daughter, a reminder of the close connection of love. My view was once again incredible – not so much the beautiful sky, the marvelous mountains or the colorful balloons – but the view into God’s insight that He was still in control and that peace will come in the morning. I enjoyed that time resting in His comforting shelter this morning as He helped me bring back that joy I have so sorely missed this week.

Closing the Chapter

This is the last page of Reflections for it is a new season under heaven.  It is a time to keep silence.... and a time to heal.

My husband and my children, I love you!  My mother and my father, I miss you!  My family and my friends, I continue to thank God for you!

Ecclesiastes 3 (King James Version)

1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.