Goodbye Mama, I will see you again soon!

As I closely hugged and kissed the face of my mother goodbye yesterday morning, we both cried. “I love you very much sweetheart”, she said. It was hard to leave her. Would this be the last time on earth I kissed my mama?

During the 450 mile drive home, the Lord ministered to my heart. I cried, sang, and lifted my hands in praise, all the while aware that we as God’s children have hope even when our hearts are sad. Hope that when we kiss our loved ones good bye and know they are “In Christ Jesus” (or maybe better put, “Jesus Christ is in them”), we will never give a final farewell.

Two weeks ago, I sat next to my mother waiting for the monitors to prove her earthly exit from us. I held her hand with one and pondered over a bible with the other. She didn’t sleep soundly, proven by her eyes often opening to assure I was still there. I was afraid to be there. The ICU nurse told us that this was the end. She had “flat lined” twice and people just don’t survive that sort of thing, especially a 91 year old woman who has congestive heart failure. So, I waited and nervously watched her breathe, watched the monitors, pondered her frailty, watched the clock in the semi-darkness progress into what I assumed was the end.

I read, “I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.” Ecclesiastes 3:15 Ponder these words; “we cannot add to or take from God’s plans”!

Yesterday, I kissed my beautiful mama goodbye. Oh, how the past two weeks have been precious. I watched her as she reached for loved ones unseen and spoke conversations with people unknown to me. As I listened to those happy conversations in her sleep, I also shared happy conversations in her wakefulness. As the week progressed, her wakefulness became more frequent than not.

Yes, we cannot take from or add to God’s plan for each of us. He has a purpose for each conversation we have. Whether he has another minute planned for us to touch someone with a smile or another year planned, it is a mystery.

I stopped begging Him to sit beside me and just tell me how long I will have my mother on earth. Today, tears well up at the thought that His power and plans are too great and divine for me to even comprehend; thus, he cannot tell me what the morning will bring. I have today and for that I will be ever thankful. I have hope for tomorrow and my heart sings……

On my drive home, I heard, I believe 3 times, a favorite song of my childhood – one that I can hear my Mom sing so strong and vividly. Coincidence? I know not.

Chorus:


And he walks with me


And He talks with me,


And He tells me I am his own;


And the joy we share as we tarry there,


None other has ever known.